What daddy does

I don't often write about Dave or I independently in this blog. I've generally wanted to keep it a journal of the kids and the ins and outs of our days. But since a big police event/memorial has been going on I've feel the need to document. Maybe so someday the kids can see a part of what their dad really does (and how their mom really feels about it). The truth is the last couple weeks have been a huge deal (emotionally and physically) for Dave and all other police officers I'm sure. I on the other hand have held the whole thing far out in front of me, not reading too much, listening too much, or thinking too much about the whole thing. I can't take the stress (blaming my type A personality). So to Dave, I've probably seemed completely unappreciative of the whole thing. Dave on the other hand has been thinking about it constantly, not that he's told me everything that is going through his head but he's made comments about finding a way to help out and things we could do the help future victims etc. What has happened you might ask? Well most of you probably know but anyone reading this blog years from now won't.

Four police officers in Lakewood (Tacoma area) were in a coffee shop for a meeting/working in uniform. The four of them were shot and killed by a man who had been in prison and never should have gotten out. The man walked into the coffee shop and just started shooting. The man was found (shot and killed) several days later. The community out pouring has been incredible and all of the police departments are helping out. The Lakewood officers have been working exhaustive hours and the other departments have been trying to help them out a bit. Dave worked a night shift last week. Today was the memorial service. Dave and the rest of the Kirkland SWAT team headed out for Tacoma at Midnight. They did security protection (I think) all night outside (should note we've been having EXTREMELY cold weather around here the last few days....I wouldn't have survived 15 minutes outside last night much less the entire night) and then helped throughout the day today. He got home around 9 tonight. That's a 21 hour day and then he goes back to work as normal tomorrow.

I feel like (being an officers wife and all) that I have a slightly different perspective than most. You hear about a police officer being killed for being an officer and it is terrible. Why should someone die for doing the job they are supposed to do? But my mind immediately goes to the families left behind (I am in no way trying to discount the death of the officer of course). I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it all. And I realize families lose mothers and fathers all the time and the grief and courage to continue on is no different. But, these situations really hit home for me. It's why I have to keep it all at a distance. When someone finds out that Dave is a police officer, almost always the first comment/question is, "That must be so hard, don't you worry about him?". And the truth is yes and no. I keep it at a distance. Dave is excellent about being present when he is at home and then he miraculously changes himself into his officer, sneaky, secret, bad guy catching persona when he walks out the door. So, it's easy for me to leave it out there and not get my mind wrapped up in it. The truth is, there have been many many nights when Dave is late or doesn't come home at night or gets called in and I wake up at 3:00 and he's not there. In the beginning, I wanted to call and make sure he is ok. But the problem is that I have to assume if he's not home, he's in the middle of something big, and probably not sitting around able to talk on the phone. And I try not to think about the fact that something bad could have happened. So, I've let my guard down over the years and just trust that he will be coming home. Now there are times every now and again when my mind takes a stroll down reality lane and I really think about the dangers and risks and realities of Dave's work.....and I get into a major panic or fear. Then I have to push it all away again and keep it far out in front of me, just out of reach. And when people ask if I worry, I have many different answers. The truth is yes I do sometimes, I probably should more, but I can't. It's too hard. I have no idea how Dave does it all and deals with all the emotions that go along with his job, seeing what he sees, doing what he does, and living each day looking through the telescope from the other direction....that is having a family to come home to each day.

I stole this from Tonya's blog (thanks Tonya). I think it pretty much sums it all up. Thanks Dave for all that you do (and all the other police officers out there too).